


Two or Three or Four

by AsheTarasovich (natalieashe), Boffin1710



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Drinking, Eve has a Secret, F/M, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Gen, Lots of wine, Male-Female Friendship, Nail Polish, Not really Lovers, Q Has a Crush, Wine, more than friends, relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-13
Updated: 2016-08-13
Packaged: 2018-08-08 14:35:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7761697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natalieashe/pseuds/AsheTarasovich, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Boffin1710/pseuds/Boffin1710
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A few months after Spectre and Bond has not returned.  Q is getting over his unrequited crush on 007 and insists his BFF Eve must find him a date (or sex, he's not fussy!).  But Eve has a secret that makes her reluctant to be his wingman.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Two or Three or Four

"Oh come on Moneypenny. I've been your wingman numerous times and had to ride the tube or get a cab home alone plenty of times."  Q chided her.  He said as loitering in her office since M was in meetings all afternoon in Whitehall.  The walls of subterranean cave were beginning to close in on him so he escaped.    
  
"Seriously, It's not as if I'm going to pull anyone.  Just out, drinks, pub food, normal people.  No one trying to take over the world." He sighed trying to look pathetic and dejected.  He didn't have to work hard at it.   
  
"Please don't make me have to ask Tanner.   Just one drink... Maybe two."  Pausing for a moment to consider his options he then sweetened the deal with “I'll even have my.staffing overtime report to you on time.”  

Moneypenny rolled her eyes and tapped the screen of her mobile that lay on her desk.  Q craned his neck to see but she picked it up and slipped it into her handbag.  "Fine. Straight from work.  Food and no more than two drinks.  Meet you in the foyer at six.  Now, shoo!  Better get working on those figures."  
  
"Great!" Q bounced out of the door suddenly feeling his night just got a whole lot better.  Pizza for one and a glass of wine with the cats was so tedious.  It was an age since he and Moneypenny had hit the town.   
  
Moneypenny pulled her phone out and sent a quick text.  'Change of plan. Sorry.  Might be closer to 10.'  It was five minutes before she received a short response.  'Taxi. I'll pay." With a small smile she returned to her files.

Q was waiting for Moneypenny in the building foyer promptly on time when she exited the bank of lifts, anxious to be leaving work behind for the day.  It wasn't long before they had ordered food and drinks at the bar and were making their way to a booth in one of the far corners of the pub.

“Thank you Moneypenny.” He slid into the booth across from her, They could both observe the room from where they sat… Force of habit.  The noise of the pub surrounded them.  “Just needed away from where every issue is an ‘end of the world’ situation.  Out with people who don't even know what world threatening crisis goes on around them every day.”

“You need a life,Q.” Moneypenny smirked at him.  “One that is more than your cats, wires and circuitry.”  

“I know… I just…”  He stopped mid sentence, taking a drink and contemplated the stout in his glass for a moment.  He refused to get melancholy tonight about his idiotic feelings for Bond.  “I do have a life Moneypenny.  It might not be tabloid worthy but I suppose it could be worse.  Just because I sleep in the middle of the bed, sideways, by myself, it could be worse.”  

“You’re not alone.” Moneypenny teased him. “You have your fur babies to snuggle.”

“Shut it, Moneypenny.  At least someone loves me.“  He smirked at her just as Moneypenny’s  mobile chirped at her from her pocket.  “Oh God, please tell me that’s not work looking for us.”

"It won't be."  

She ignored it until it chirped again and Q frowned.  "Aren't you going to check?  It could be Tanner or M.  No, not M.  I think the technology is beyond him" he sniggered, taking another large swallow of beer and looking around the pub.  The present crowd left him in no doubt he would be going home alone again tonight.  Maybe he could talk Moneypenny into a club once she'd had a few more glasses of Prosecco.  

He turned back to her to find her texting with a smug smile.  "Definitely not M, then.  Who is it?"

"Nosy!  It's just a friend."  Remembering the exact same words she'd used with Bond a few months earlier while he raced through the streets of Rome.  Of course, then he had been just a friend...

"You don't have friends, Evie. Even I just tolerate you because you bring me ice cream and don't care if I eat it in just my pants."  He made a swipe for the phone which she snatched away and hid back in her pocket.  "Cow!"

"Drink your beer, toddler, before I swap it for chocolate milk in a sippy cup" she smirked at his pout, leaning forward to pinch his cheek.

Q stared back at her, brows drawn right in concentration, assessing her every nuance.  Moneypenny smiled back at him, calm, collected.  

“You’re not telling me something Moneypenny. I can tell.”  He waved a hand in her direction.  “Too calm.   Too steeled.” He huffed at her emptying his drink and waving at the waitress for another.  “I don't spend my days with agents coming and going without learning to read people.  And I have learned to do it extremely well.”

“You’re reading something into nothing Q.” Moneypenny tried to dissuade him, redirect him.  “It's just notifications about some things I ordered. Letting me know they were shipped.”

“Amazon and such are not that persistent in letting you know your whatever is on the way.   What are you hiding Moneypenny?”  Q leaned in, both elbows on the table, staring her directly in the eyes.  “Give!  I tell you everything Moneypenny.”

"Yes, you do, and very entertaining it is too.  So how has the search for Mr-not-fucking-Bond been going anyway?"

"Bitch!"  

He was saved from answering questions about his non-existent love life by the arrival of their food, a burger cooked rare for Q with a mountain of sweet potato fries, and a chicken and avocado salad for Moneypenny.  

"Can we have a bottle of house red?" he asked their server, ignoring Moneypenny's protests of just one drink.  "It's fine, I'll drink it all myself and then you can listen to my maudlin pissed ramblings as revenge for being a party pooper."

She sighed deeply and confirmed "Two glasses, please."

Q speared a large chunk of creamy avocado from her bowl, yelping when she slapped him with her fork.  "You know you'll end up munching half of my fries" he grumbled, dumping three of the said delicacies in the centre of her salad.

The wine arrived and Q topped their glasses to the brim.  It was cheap house red, designed for quaffing; letting it breathe was just a waste of drinking time.  They bantered about the personalities at work - who was shagging who, who had a bun in the oven, who had the most scandalous scandal - and ate, regularly stealing morsels from one another's plates.  By the time they finished their food, the bottle was also empty and both were feeling giggly.

Moneypenny somehow missed Q ordering another bottle of wine until it suddenly appeared on their table and he was refilling their glasses.  “No!  No more!” She demanded trying to shove her hand over the top of her glass only to have wine poured over it.  “You are such a little shite!  I said two drinks. Not getting utterly pissed. I so hate you Q!”

“Oh you know you love me Moneypenny.  I can tell.” He smirked at her over his very full glass of wine.

“You are impossible!”

“Noooo you know what is impossible Moneypenny,” slipping back into gossip mode.  “You know Andrews.” She stared at him as if she had no clue at all who he was talking about.  “Yes you do… Tall, blonde, Welsh. Back of the team room.  He actually asked Rachel to marry him.   Was shocked that he could even muster up the nerve to ask. But what is even more astounding is that she actually said yes!  That is the impossible!”

Q waved his glass at her obviously well on the way to becoming pissed.  

“Nooo.  He didn't!”  Moneypenny gasped at him. “I thought those two would dance around each other for an eternity!”

“I know!  So the plan is for you to go clubbing with me so I might someday possibly have at least a date and not end up living in the dank basement of MI6 alone with my cats.”  He stuck out his bottom lip giving her a mournful look that was even more pathetic since it was fueled by red wine.

Moneypenny checked her watch.  "Fuck! It's nine o'clock already!" she wailed, waving the server over regardless.  "Dessert.  Chocolate something...?"  

The girl looked amused and plucked the dessert menu from the stand on the table, pointing out everything chocolatey on the menu.  "Chili Chocolate Brownie.  To share.  With ice cream.  Two spoons."  Moneypenny smiled sweetly as the server retreated, and in a stage whisper "she thinks we're a couple..."

"Fuck off!  I can do much better than you!" Q picked up Moneypenny's taloned hand and pressed his lips to her knuckles.  "Did I ever tell you I love you Evie?"

"Not before dessert.  Generally you need alcohol and sugar to get mushy with me.  We have to eat and then I have to get into a taxi."

"You are not going home, Miss Moneypenny.  We...  Are going to get me a date.  Or a fuck.  But preferably a date." Q giggled and drank more wine.  He felt reckless and wild, which definitely wasn't good in his position, but hell... there were other positions he really wanted to get into!

Q stared at her over a spoonful of ice cream trying to piece together bits of their conversation in his wine dulled head. “You are deserting me Moneypenny.   You are terribly insistent that you are getting a taxi soon.” He stared at her glumly.  “What is going on?”

“Nothing. Just need an early night.  M has a packed schedule tomorrow.”  She focused on the chocolatey dessert between them. “Need to be in early. That's all.”

“No. That's not it.  There's more.”  He waved an ice cream dripping spoon in her direction.  “What are you hiding from me Moneypenny?”’

Her phone chose that moment to ring.  She ignored it, while Q stared blearily at her waiting for an answer.  “Answer it.”

“Voicemail will get it.  I’ll call back if it’s important.”  She smiled at him but she was starting to feel shitty about it.  They didn’t hold out on each other.  Didn’t even really know why she had, other than she hadn’t expected it to last.  The ringing stopped and she sighed with relief only to have it start up again.

“If you don’t answer it I’ll wrestle it out of your pocket myself and find out who is so desperate to cock block me by taking away my partner in crime!”

Moneypenny sighed and fished the phone out of her pocket, answering while keeping eyes on Q.  She didn’t put it past him to snatch the phone and give Rob a piece of his mind.  “Hi, sorry, things are going on a little longer than I anticipated....  Yes, yes, everything’s good.  Just catching up and…  having a few drinks....  Could we maybe do it tomorrow instead?  Great!...  Yes, I’ll call you.  Promise.  You too…”

“No goodnight kisses?  No long mushy goodbyes?  So…  he’s a recent conquest…”  Q scowled at her making drunken deductions and flicking more ice cream over the table.  “Why didn’t you just tell me you had a date already?  No need to bloody humour the pathetic Quartermaster who needs to fuck his 00-agent crush away.”

“I'm sorry I didn't tell you Q.  I… I honestly didn't think it was going to last. Just a date or two and then he'd move on.”   She was beginning to feel very guilty.   They did share everything and were always there when the other one needed.  

“So how long has this ‘a couple of dates’ been going on?” He huffed at her pulling the remaining chocolatey dessert over towards himself to drown his neediness in it.  

“6 months” she admitted.

“6 bloody months and I am just now finding out about this!”  He snarled at her waving his spoon in her direction actually flicking ice cream at her this time, and then waving at the waitress fully intending to order another bottle of wine now. “Does this ‘only last a few dates’ have a name?”

“Robin.  Rob.  We met at a party.  It was dull, we got talking, and we skipped out for dinner instead.  One thing led to another and…  I thought that would be an end to it.  But he actually called me a week later and…  we did it again.  And again…. And then it was sort of… dating.”

“And it wasn’t worth telling me?” he pouted, scraping the plate clean so she wouldn't see how hurt he was.  Another bottle of wine had appeared and neither was quite sure how but Moneypenny poured.  She was here for the night.  Confession and wine weren’t quite meant to go hand in hand, but Dutch courage was needed.

“He.. doesn’t know about you.”  She took a large mouthful and leaned back, away from the laser sharp gaze that seemed to be focused more by the thick lenses in hard black frames.

“He doesn’t know what exactly?  That you have friends?  A life?  Work?  Oh my fucking god, he’s a jealous bastard!  He’d freak, think you’re cheating on him.”

“No, wanker.  We just never really talked about anything significant.  And you are significant.”

“6 months of non existent significant.”  He gazed at her pushing his glasses back up his nose that were slipping down his face with his wine glass.  “Moneypenny, you are a cow.”

“I know.  I know.  I'm a bad friend.”  She took another large mouthful realising she had hurt his feelings and he would never admit to such.  

“I think I shall have to downgrade you from girlfriend and BFF status.” He downed half a glass of wine before propping both elbows on the table, staring at her across the rim of his glass.  “So am I to understand that It's highly doubtful I will ever meet “Mr. It's been 6 months” since he has not clue who you really are and what you do for a living?”

Q downed the remainder of his glass and stood from the booth, slightly wobbling but managing as he headed to the bar to take care of their tab.  “Time for your taxi Moneypenny.  Don't want you turning into a pumpkin for your new love.”  Smiling at her, he offered her his arm when he returned to their booth.

“We rearranged, it’s fine.  My place.  Coffee to sober us both up and we’ll watch something rubbish on TV.   I can’t have my girlfriend and BFF status permanently ruined.”  She leaned in and kissed him on the cheek, allowing him to escort her to the door.

Q loved Moneypenny’s flat almost as much as he loved his own.  He even had his own key for emergencies, though most of the emergencies were date-related, rather than anything to do with his work. Q wondered how that would continue now that his best friend was not-single.

Moneypenny didn’t even bat an eyelid when he stepped out of his trousers, draping them untidily over the sofa arm, and curled up on her immense leather sofa wrapped in a throw.  He sighed heavily a number of times, while Moneypenny brewed coffee.  She was as much a coffee snob as he was and insisted on it being brewed perfectly even when the pair of them were probably too drunk to drink it.  The aroma of good coffee was simply necessary.

“To answer your earlier question, I would love you and Rob to meet, but obviously you’re not Q the Quartermaster of MI6.  Zaquary the geeky ICT boy…”

“Head of the ICT team, thanks very much” he huffed.  They’d played the alternate identities plenty of times before, but that had been when they were both on the pull.  She tapped his shin and he obediently stuck out a foot, placing it in her lap.

“Fine.  You can be promoted this time.  But you really don’t need to impress him…”  She uncapped the small bottle and carefully drew the tiny brush across his big toenail.  “Oops!”

“Sugar Pink?  Really?  That is so not your colour Moneypenny.” as his toenail, and most of the tip of his toe was dressed in the shimmery nail polish.

“Of course not.  Ordered this one specially for you” she giggled.

“I'm not sure it's my colour either Moneypenny.” He wiggles his toes in her lap.   “What happened to the Rouge by Dior or the Vernis à ongles by Tom Ford?”

“Tom Ford is all gone.  And remember the last time we were having a pissed movie night it, we split the Dior all over the rug under the coffee table.  Which reminds me, you promised to replace it since it was your ticklish feet that sent the bottle flying!”

“Oh god I totally forget.  Way too much red wine that night.” He giggled.  “Shopping trip so you can pick out whatever you want soon.  Or we can shop online.  Your choice”

Moneypenny’s phone began to chatter on the coffee table.  “Must be “Mr. You know who” checking up on you.” Q glared at her daring her to answer it.  “Should I get it?  Will he be jealous that I am in your flat in my pants?”

“Don’t you dare!  I just dumped my date for you, you ungrateful shite!”  Most of his toes were now pink and glittery.  “Please Q.  If you’re going to meet I want him to like you.  He’s not jealous, but he can be quite… serious.”

“Boring, you mean?”  He hopped off the sofa and went to rummage in the kitchen for snacks.  “Fuck Moneypenny, you need someone exciting and crazy and…”  He threw up his hands dramatically to emphasise his point, scattering crisps across the rug.  “How the hell have you lasted six months?!”

Moneypenny sipped her cool coffee, giving herself time to think.  “He’s exactly what I need, Q” she said slowly.  “The last year has been… wild.  Insane at times.  You know what life at Six can be like, and unless we date within the spy-pool, nobody else can understand what we go through.”  

Q was nodding.  He knew.  It was one of the things that made Bond so attractive - no need to hide who or what he was - but it was refreshing to be someone else out in the real world.  Someone… boring.

“I need someone who can make me forget all of that for a little while, and Rob does that.” she continued.  “But I know I can’t keep the two worlds completely separate.  Someone like me, with no friends?  No social life at all?  Unlikely.”

“You have lots of friends Moneypenny.   Just not socially acceptable friends.”  He smirked at her wiggling his Sugar Pink toes in her lap.  “And you have me.  Who else would be your wingman, drink mediocre wine and get pissed with you on film night?   Not to mention allow Sugar Pink instead of Dior Rouge.”

“You are such a shite, Q.”   Moneypenny threw a pillow at him which he only managed to half avoid, reaction time very hampered.  

“Moneypenny!  You’ll smear my toes.”  He fussed at her.  “Bet Rob wouldn't let you do his toes.”

Q suddenly stared at her too intensely for comfort.  “What’s churning in your head.  I can see it.  All that little coding running rampant in there.”

“Trying to decide what is better Moneypenny.  Someone inside who understands what we do or someone who can remove us from that element even if it is only for a few hours.”

"Honestly?  I think I have the best of both worlds."  Moneypenny looked thoughtful as she picked at a smear of polish on Q's toe.  "You're still my work boyfriend.  You're the one who will always understand a bad day, and I won't have to make up a reason for why I'm fighting back tears, because you will just know and understand."  
  
"Yes.  That's important for both of us." Q agreed.  "Don't you feel guilty for lying to him?"   
  
"No!"  Shaking her head emphatically.  "We're spies. It's what we do.  And how can we have a normal life filled with dinner parties and drinks otherwise?"   
  
"Sounds very grown up, Moneypenny.  Please do not start adulting!" He swung his feet to the floor and pulled her up.  "Fine!  I will meet this boring normal adulty person.  I'll even be polite!"   
  
"Very charitable of you Q" Moneypenny murmured as he led the way to the bedroom.     
  
His days of snuggling with his BFF  were numbered, it appeared.  "On one condition!  You owe me a proper night out on the town.  Drinking, dancing and debauchery in the best club, and we don't leave unless I have a man under my arm.  If you're getting laid, I want a fuck out of it too!"

  



End file.
